29 December, 2013 Many years ago, a bear broke into the front passenger side window of the Suburban that one of my best friends drove another friend and me to Hume Lake in, where we were attending a women’s conference. He didn’t get much, except possibly a couple of stray Cheerios, which may have been why, besides a huge auto repair bill, he left behind another present, making this one of my all-time favorite memories. Once the good people at Hume Lake Christian Camps had helped us clean out the broken glass and taped up the window, so she could safely drive her SUV home, I noticed the gift from Mr. Bear on the passenger seat arm rest. So I said to my other friend, who was riding shotgun, “Oh look, what’s that?” Peering suspiciously down ( as parents tend to do when their children ask them to touch some new mysterious thing they drag in), she proceeded to place her hand into the substance thereupon, and I think we had to pull the car over, if memory serves me well, when she realized that her hand was covered in bear spit. This is the memory God woke me up with at 4:30 this morning, another of those “love taps” that He so graciously bestows upon me from time to time. In all honesty, I would trade the Hume Lake bear for the man who broke into my car yesterday, in front of my son and daughter-in-law’s house, who made off with my purse and its entire contents AND my cell phone. As I drove home last night, after spending the entire day on my daughter-in-law, Ashley’s, cell phone, picking up the pieces that the thief had literally left shattered all around me, the plastic trash bags my son, Jonathon, had duct taped to cover my window, violently blew off behind me onto eastbound Highway 58. So what I was left with for half the drive home was a gaping black hole and an icy chill that my full-blast heater couldn’t cut through. And the despair came back anew and the numbness and the gutsick feeling, and that black hole staring me down seemed to me like the Vortex of 2011 all over... So yes, God, you have my attention once AGAIN. Maybe I am a slow learner? Or is it just plain stubbornness, I don’t know? But, I have to finally concede to what Jonathon reminded me yesterday and on many other occasions, as well. I have been hanging onto Bret too tightly, so afraid that I am going to forget him or “lose him.” I have known the truth of what Jonathon spoke to me last night for a very long time, and growing up, I would remind myself of it often, even before You took my best friend away from me. My son, who is SO much like his father, stood in his kitchen (after he filed a police report the same day I filed mine--for the home invasion he had happen at his house, a little over 24 hours before my incident) and said these words to me: “Mommy, you didn’t need Daddy before you met him, you didn’t need him while you were married, and you certainly don’t need him now that he has gone to Heaven. All you have ever needed is Jesus. All any of us really need is God.” So, touche’--You got me, Lord! Through a myriad of means, during so many instances, in every single moment of my life, for well over two years, You have been making this truth as clear as mud, but I have just downright refused to heed Your call. Jesus knew this and He lived it, to the point that the worst thing about going to the cross and dying for our sins and being in the grave for three days was the fact that He had to be separated from You for the very, very first time. Only Christ understood the full implication of what it means to be “separated from God,” because He had never encountered that fact. His Father and the Holy Spirit and He had always been in perfect communion and harmony and oneness and love. All I need to do is look at my Jesus’ life to see that He modeled mankind’s need for ONLY His Creator-God and Savior, and that by accepting His free gift of salvation, and embracing this truth by surrendering my will to the Great I AM, HE WILL BE ALWAYS ENOUGH. Besides, as I stated before, Your love is made known to me every day… “It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”—Lamentations 3:22-23 …Every time I talk to my son, it’s like I am speaking to Bret, because he is his father’s “mini me” in every way, with his logic, common sense, and even sometimes maddening non-sentimental take on life. When I want to see the compassionate side of my husband, my daughter is not far away, with her kindness and ability to listen quietly and not get worked up over the curves life throws. And, in both Jonathon and Deanna, I have the privilege of watching those leadership skills their father instilled into them, along with that vein of fun and sarcasm left behind that he “scarred” them with. Then, there’s Evin, who looks like his grandpa with brown eyes, and who’s shaping up to be another “jack of all trades” with his fantastic fingers. And, finally, You gave Bret’s eyes to my youngest grandson, so it is like I am looking into the window of Caius’ grandpa’s soul once again every time I see him. So, for how you use the good and the bad in our lives, for Your grace, Your provisions, Your hope eternal, but mostly, for Your unfailing love, I thank you, God. I am learning not only to depend solely on you, but also to love you more and more each and every day. Denise